But, when all’s said and done, one does need to be open to the Universe sending crap your way when it does. Because this is life after all.

Right now, though, despite a particularly bad week of panic attacks, I’ve got terrific news.

Team Gone Cyclin, a Singaporean team of mountain bikers will be racing the Tour de Timor in September. And they’ve invited yours truly to shoot for them while they’re in action.

They will be raising money for Timor Aid and the photos will go to a fundraising exhibition. I don’t need to tell you how excited I am at this opportunity. Despite tripling my currrently bad anxiety levels, I’m utterly thrilled with this chance to shoot a terrific mountain bike race and visit an awesome new place.

I’m blogging this on my Blackberry right now, I’ll put up links to everything when I get home.

This was the sound track to a cycling video a friend sent me. I love the song, the lyrics are totally rad. All things considered, listening to it is like jumping into the sea and coming back out again into the sunlight with all the nonsense of life dripping off you in crystals. I could use with the feeling of coming alive again.

Ok, I’m sorta back. And more cryptic than ever.

The whole be careful of stumbling sign on the bus. Probably one of the things I should take more seriously. My stumbling block in life. Or maybe stumbling blocks in life: 1. Either denying the existence of negative emotions in my life or when they’re too big to be ignored, processing them as only anger. Because anger is easier to understand and feel than anything else. 2. Refusing to believe that anyone will stay put in my life and behaving accordingly.

No 2. usually ends up in No. 1 because people walking out of your life hurts. Unfortunately, responding in No. 1 to everything can make No. 2 a reality.

This is why I still go back to therapy. Because I may be fine, dandy and not blacking out any more. But sometimes, you never see the stumbling blocks in life until you’re sprawled on the ground with a giant graze on your chin.

I’m no longer capable of a coherent train of thought.

Everything hurts and I’ve got a tension headache and neckache that gets worse with every passing minute.

My room is an utter mess.

I may think I’m so over it but I still hate the feeling of talking to someone who isn’t listening even if it isn’t deliberate on their part or their fault at all. That is why I refuse to initiate contact, affection or anything at all.

I think I need to stop considering it a bad thing if I can’t always be happy sunshine about everything and anything that goes on in my life, even the shit.

I’ve also signed up for my first half Ironman today. More on that when I have the energy to freak out.

Anyway, while I sort shit out. Enjoy my favorite Joni Mitchell song…

(Excuse the horrible static-like sound in the beginning. But this version is my favorite one of them all on youtube.)

Also, I’ve more or less lost the plot entirely for everything so far. Might have something to do with the respiratory infection I’m having again, it really takes a lot out of me even if I won’t admit it. The stupid infection also affects how I feel mentally. You can imagine how much fun that is.

Race Against Cancer 2010

Alex and I went to run the 7.5km competitive run. I was a bit grumpy having to weave around people who were slow jogging, walking or stopping dead on the race route. But then again, I guess it means people are less intimidated by the idea of running a distance longer than effing 2.4km so it must be a good thing.

Muddy shoes after walking through the finishing area!

Always fun to gross people out on the train by being sweaty and stinky…

Race tag!

Later on, beach party at Tanjong Beach Club to celebrate Pat’s birthday. Went to get a swim in on the beach and finally did my first open water swim with my face in the water and without a panic attack. Not that bad a start…

As usual, BUDDY! Our favorite scottie in the world…

Very important, the ritualistic dunking of the birthday girl…lol

Also, just got this. Holy shit on a stick, someone cause a crash on the Tour de France because their dog wasn’t leashed. OMG, people. Dogs love to chase bicycles. You take your dog to an event full of bicycles going at VERY fast speeds. Does it somehow elude your puny mind that the dog must be leashed? Its not just a danger to the riders, its a danger to the poor dog itself. “But its so cruel-” Noooope. Dogs don’t know how dangerous environments with high volumes of human and human related traffic are to them. Leash. The. Dog. Or move to the mountains where there isn’t a human being within a 20 mile radius.

Week 22: Miffy and Friends

Remember Miffy and friends? That cute little bunny from the 90′s when we were all kids? I chanced upon this fabric while shopping at Arab street the other day. For some reason, it reminds me so much of being a kid and for some reason, Miffy and friends. Of course I had to buy it…

Week 23: CMC Confectionery

Remember Chin Mei Chin confectionery along Katong road? I walked past the other day and they happened to have egg tarts. I’ve never seen egg tarts that looked like that before so I bought a couple along with their cupcakes to bring home. I remember when I was little, my parents would take us there and for some reason we’d go through the back while they were closed. Even though I’ve discovered the world of Magnolia and Buttercup cupcakes, the ones from here are still more special to me. =D

Week 24: Haaaaaaate!!!

Oddly, this one photo is the closest to what I now see out of my viewfinder. I’m surprised the letter ‘a’ and the lady bug came out so clear, it was a bloody blur when I shot it. Shooting blind, how fun.

Ok, obviously, its time for me to take Chloe out for a photowalk. We’re running out of interesting things to shoot at home…

What I have to show for it? Grease marks on my hands that won’t go away from multiple scrubbing with brillo pads and dish detergent. Also, very raw hands from the aforementioned scrubbing and dish detergent. Yeowch.

Well, then, to the shop….