There’s nothing much fun going on, I have a major case of the wanderlust again and to make it even worse, I’m canceling my plans to go on the Thailand-Singapore ride in July because of certain factors like school, work and finances. Every morning I wake up fighting the urge to get on Electra with a few things and just go ride up north without saying a word to anyone. Its time to get my life sorted out so I can start planning on cycling the Santiago de Compostella pilgrimage next year…

Anyway, a few things are moving forward in my life. I might be getting back into the regular workforce soon. Nothing’s confirmed and I don’t want to jinx anything but I’m looking forward to it. But I also know I need to get this problem with tiredness and my blood pressure under control as well as certain tics that make working life a little difficult for me. And I’m really sure that this time round, I’m not letting my work life overshadow my life as I did the last time. Being knocked off the bike metaphorically because of work has done me no favors, made me completely miserable, lose a lot of fitness I took a long time to build and in the end, got me so fed up with the single track my life was taking, I decided to drop out of the full time workforce. Its not a matter of sucking it up and learning to accept reality. The reality is, if your life is so one tracked that it revolves around working, resting from being exhausted from work, dreaming about your work and obsessing about your work, its not going to do you any favors. So this time round, I’m sticking to my guns, when its time to train, its time to train, the world isn’t going to explode because I failed to pull an all-nighter at my laptop stressing endlessly over something. Someone should teach kids this in college, its amazing how easily we lose perspective and our love for fun when we leave.

Anyway, its been a good week and weekend. I desperately needed the extra mornings to sleep in and just consider the path forward and really rest. Its a bit scary when your body has been pushed to the point where every inhalation of cold air causes your lungs to rattle and your blood pressure is stupid low. The extra sleep did me a lot of good, I wish I had more but I’m also looking forward to heading back into my regular life again. If the tiredness and blood pressure problems continue, I might decide to take a full week off everything, work, school and volunteering included and just sleep and try to recover.

For now, can someone PLEASE tell me where I can find decent tasting ginger candy in Singapore? I really am desperate…

Eventually, your ass is hauled out of bed and as you dress, you wonder what you should do. Last night’s run felt pretty brilliant. Ideally, you’d be hauling the mountain bike to the trail halfway across the island to go bash through the trails but there’s the duathlon tomorrow and your busted knee. You’re supposed to be saving the knee for the run and bike tomorrow. Plus, after busting out the knee on Sunday, you’re strangely reluctant to get on the bike and ride, a reluctance you simply cannot understand.

So you do what you always do when you have no idea, you throw on running shoes and go towards the beach. Except that this morning, instead of running from the top of the hill, you simply walk. Along the way, an old man chirpily calls out “Good morning” as you walk past him. You have to remind yourself that not everything in this city is hostile and try your best to return with a smile and a “mornin’!” while avoiding eye contact. Just because eye contact with anyone gives you the heebie jeebies and well, he may be friendly but he might also still be a loon. Considering that you’re a loon magnet, its always better to be safe.

At the beach, the Singapore Biathlon is going on. Somehow, you still feel strangely resistant towards running, so you do what any sane person would do, you pull your sneakers and socks off and head off on the pavement barefoot. Which by the way, feels strangely bloody good. Unexpected because you’re also icked out by how the pavement feels under your barefeet and the pinecones and twigs look threatening as hell. Oh and there’s this feeling like something has stuck itself into your left foot and might pierce the skin any time soon. But overall, ignoring all of that, it feels GOOD. The first time you ran barefoot, it was around a track and it felt like a great foot massage. This time, the pavement is harsher, everything hurts a bit more but its still wonderful. Kinda like crack, one hit later, you need another hit. Fast. All sorts of things run through your head. Being out in the morning feels good. The sun isn’t hot yet, everything’s kind of cool. Except for the crowd, the vibe is pretty decent. Running barefoot makes you feel more connected to the earth. Its like removing a layer of squishy rubber from beneath your feet and bringing you one step closer to the earth, the source of all energy. Maybe, you theorize, that’s why you feel better after the shoes come off. Its not very different from tree hugging, having some exposed part of you in contact with the earth makes you feel more alive, more energetic and somehow, in the words of the Mad Hatter, muchier.

The first time you grind your toe into the pavement, its sort of a wake up call to stop dreaming and focus on the way you’re running. Its probably the only time you will agree with the ChiRunning guy, mindfulness while moving is essential. Not because of anything else, simply because you’re naturally klutzy as hell and will stumble over anything, even a flat pavement. You might also agree with Mr ChiRunning that there is a way to lean forward while running and make your core do the work instead of your legs, you’ve tried it with maybe 5 seconds of success at maintaining it and your knee didn’t hurt. Fucking miracle, really but then you somehow lost the feel of that form again and went back to running the old way, stumbling every now and then trying to find that magical sweet spot of running without a painful knee. Jesus. But anyway, somewhere before the sailing club, you stumble again and grind your toe into the pavement again. This time, looking down, its a mess of blood and skin. Christ on a stick. You sit down, clean the blood off with your sock and assess the damage. Not as bad as it seems but still pretty fucking painful. Shaking your head, you decide its time to put the sneakers back on. You’ll be racing your first duathlon tomorrow with a painful toe and you’re not even sure if it’ll be possible to cram that foot into your cycling shoes which are already too small for you and applying a lot of pressure on the exact spot where your toe has been ground. Limping back to the Bayshore underpass, you keep telling yourself “Pain is good, pain is VERY good, pain means you’re alive, goddammit!”

Eventually, you get the hell outta the crowded beach. You’re actually sorry that you have the shoes on. A whole load of thoughts run through your head.

Maybe humans were meant to run barefoot after all.

Maybe you shouldn’t run barefoot, considering your tendency to grind your toe into surfaces while moving.

Maybe, maybe…your next pair of running shoes should be these things

See? Crack.

“Thailand has mobilised about 40,000 security personnel ahead of mass rallies by “red shirt” opposition protesters over the coming days.” – from BBC

Well, hello 2008, all over again. Only this time, I’m not in Thailand. Seeing news like this makes me happy I’m no longer living there. But that makes me sad because Thailand is definitely one of the places I feel at home in. Honestly, I don’t see what more there is to protest about. Stuff over the last two years have shown that neither party’s will ever be satisfied with either government. Whether their respective governments do a good job of looking after the country, well they both have done their bit so we can’t really say one is better than the other, it just depends on who you’re talking to.

The saddest thing about this, from what I’ve seen in 200,8 is that while these two political lots duke it out, its the people who just want to go about their business trying to earn a decent living who will suffer. And a decent living isn’t exactly easy to earn in Thailand if you aren’t one of those lucky ones who have the right everything. Maybe its less a matter of which government is less corrupt or ‘better’ but more a matter of who can slap these political idiots upside the head and tell them to fuck off and stop creating trouble so their country can maintain some form of economic stability for everyone.

Ok, fun things for today:

Green tea + grapefruit juice = not only refreshingly delishush-ness but apparently, the citrus juice might help make the antioxidants in green tea more available to our bodies. Considering that green tea’s antioxidants is supposed to help with muscle soreness after workouts, I’d say it not too bad an idea.

“A study found that citrus juices enable more of green tea’s unique antioxidants to remain after simulated digestion, making the pairing even healthier than previously thought.

The study compared the effect of various beverage additives on catechins, naturally occurring antioxidants found in tea. Results suggest that complementing green tea with either citrus juices or vitamin C likely increases the amount of catechins available for the body to absorb.” - from www.newsciencedaily.com

I like my drinks pretty bland, so my blend of choice is 1/3 of my 25 oz water bottle of brewed green tea, another 1/3 of ruby grapefruit juice and top the rest up with ice cubes and plain water. Its just mildly sweet tart enough for me to enjoy and not get a crazy tastebud rush from too much sweetness. I’d probably halve the tea and juice mix and throw in a pinch of salt if I want to lug it out for workouts on the days when plain water would just make me hurl.

I also have a mystery. A mystery bruise, that is.

This bugger came to my attention on Monday. Its pretty high up on my inner thigh, which is where my saddle comes in contact with my thigh while riding. Only thing is, I simply cannot imagine how the hell I can get a BRUISE from riding. Seriously. Its not like I’m bouncing up and down hard on the saddle or anything. I wasn’t even going off stairs. Seriously. *Shakes head*

Oh and have I shown you Voodoo Sally’s newest little sister? Have I?

Her name is Electra. She’s a Cannondale. Much thanks to Anne and Ching for passing this pretty little girl on to me. I can’t wait to take her out once her new tires arrive.

On a side note, Happy Chinese New Year to all the people who do celebrate it. If you don’t celebrate this holiday, enjoy the looooong weekend and say a prayer to the universe or your deity of choice for the poor souls who are currently being tortured by “When are you getting married/having kids/getting a significant other” questions from nosy relatives. =)

Love,

alexisthetiny

Oh and I have a new laptop. Her name is Nikita. I think it’s suitable because if ever a laptop looked like an assassin, Nikita does.

Much love,

alexisthetiny

I realise that this is why I made the resolutions I did this year. Because hating this feeling has led me into making some pretty stupid decisions that I regretted majorly in the past and I don’t want to be trapped in the cycle. I realise that in doing what I did last year, I’ve been given a second chance to gun for the life I want and I shouldn’t fuck it up just because I hate the feeling of waiting. Being in limbo makes me tempted. When I see an opportunity to get back into my old life, I think that it doesn’t have to be this hard. I could learn to be content selling out my beliefs and working against the people I want to help for a pretty cushy salary and the trappings that come with it. I’d be miserable, but it wouldn’t be so goddamned hard right now. Or maybe, I wonder if I should settle for less than what I want in love, ignore my belief system, ignore the values I want to develop as a person and just roll with it. It’d be taking the easy way out. The easy way out is miserable but it also means less people on my case all the time, less uncertainty, less difficult decisions. And I know its not good for me.

I know that my time will come as long as I don’t screw this up. Eventually, I’d be in the place where I have learned what I needed to learn and am a person instead of just a physical entity. But its goddamned fricking hard. I wake up in the morning asking the universe to give me strength and patience but it never seems to be enough. Its probably a sign that I’m not ready yet, I’ve not grown enough yet for the universe to consider me a suitable guardian of the life that I am supposed to have.

Anyway, found this while reading Your Dirty Answer and I keep listening to it. Its so depressing but the lyrics just get me somehow.

Also, please meet a new softie, brought back from Hong Kong by Alaric (thanks!). He (I really don’t think its a girl bear despite the colors, do you?) hasn’t got a name yet. I’m bending towards ‘Octo-bear’ because he’s got all these funky things that look like tentacles or multiple legs. What do you guys think?

On an off note, I have quite a few things to name now. My DSLR has been named ‘Chloe’ in a late night camera naming spree with Jolene. So now, my new softie and my blackberry bold all need names as well.

This too shall pass. But until it does, I don’t know what to say or do.